“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11

Open your eyes ref!

Come on, he was going for the ball!

You’ve got to be kidding me!

From the first tap of my son’s soccer game, all ears were subjected to the ranting of one obnoxious dad on the sidelines.

Everyone heard him. Many glared. Some shook their heads. Others chuckled.

He put on quite a show.

I wasn’t there to watch him. But it was becoming increasingly more difficult to focus on my son’s game as this man spewed insult after insult.

Do you need glasses ref? Because I have a pair in my car and I would be happy to go get them!

I hollered back. I could have said, Please do and while you’re at it get a muzzle for yourself! But I showed a little restrain. Really? This is the way you’re going to behave at a youth soccer game?

A mom from their team immediately turned around to look at ME!

So I continued. Yeah, and you wonder why some kids are so rude.

My words did nothing to silence that dad. After 5 more minutes, the referee had heard enough. With the clock running, he stopped play until that dad went to his car.

Sadly, this isn’t an isolated incident. Outbursts at youth sporting events have become common. In the heat of the moment, people feel entitled to holler whatever they want.

And that day I became one of them. I didn’t want my silence to condone his behavior. But my words could have sparked an ugly battle.

The next morning, I asked God about it. Lord, I know I can’t have a redo, but if I could, what would You have had me say?

Within a few minutes, this idea came to mind. Sir, would you be willing to ask your son, your son’s coaches, and other parents one question?  Are you okay with the way I talk at your soccer games?  

God immediately spoke to my heart. That’s a good question for you to ask too.

So I asked my boys. Are okay with the way I talk at your soccer games and basketball games and football games?

If truth be told, I was a little nervous to hear their responses. I haven’t always been as encouraging, and positive as I would like to be. So I have worked at it. Hard.

Their answers didn’t surprise me. Some made me smile.

Yeah Mom it’s okay what you say – you encourage us but just don’t coach.

Yeah, you tell me to go to the ball and that’s not what I’m supposed to do.

And make sure you don’t holler “Go blue!” when it’s completely silent and we’re doing the tap off.

Later I asked them one-on-one. Are you really okay with the way I talk at your games? When are the times you wish I would shut up and not speak?

As they talked and I listened, I was sad and grateful. I say a lot of things that aren’t helpful or kind or encouraging. My boys have enough coaches and critics. I get to be their number one cheerleader. And I want to do it well. Much better than I have been.

So when should I talk?

One of my son’s basketball coaches provides excellent parameters. Before the season begins, he has a meeting with all the parents. I am the coach. I don’t want you coaching your kids from the stands. I don’t want you criticizing the kids or the referees. If you do, you won’t be welcome in the gym at future games. And if you show up, your kids won’t play. Please do clap and encourage them. Any questions?

So I speak up to clap and encourage. I compliment the kids on great passes and shots and team play. And I compliment the referee on calls when the other team criticizes them. And if one of our parents criticizes the referee on a call against our kids, as a team we hold them accountable. Whoever is close by will ask them to walk away if they can’t be silent.

I also keep asking my boys. How did I do today? What did I say that was good? When should I have been silent? I choose to learn from my mistakes and not repeat them.

And I ask God to help me. How did I do today? What did I say that was good? When should I have been silent? Please silence me when I’m shouldn’t talk and give me the courage to speak up when I should.

How about you? What are your favorite ways to encourage your kids at their sporting events? How do you effectively handle inappropriate talk? How would your kids respond if you asked them – Are you okay with the way I talk at your sporting events? Please leave your comments and thanks for reading.