Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

“Please stop talking.” my seven year-old calmly but firmly pleaded.

Without skipping a beat I continued with my reprimand.

“Please stop talking,” he said again, this time with tears welling in his eyes.

He knew what he had done was wrong. He needed my love, not a lecture.

He continued, “I’ll take my consequences, but please stop talking. Your tone isn’t nice. Can I have a hug?”

I shut my mouth and opened my arms. Immediately my demeanor changed. And so did my words. “I love you. What you did isn’t okay.”

“I know Mom.”

He did know. After I reiterated my love for him, we talked about why it was wrong and how to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

I want my words to encourage, not defeat; build up, not tear down; to instruct, not condemn.

The problem? My mouth gets in the way. Just because I can say something, doesn’t mean I should.  Unfiltered, my words are often controlling, critical and demanding.

The result? I make situations worse with my presence and my words. That’s not my intention, but it’s the reality of my actions.

I’m not alone. I recently read that in the average home ten negative comments are made for every positive one. And it takes five positive comments to offset each negative one.

That made me sad and challenged me. I have to do better. I want to do better.  But I can’t do this alone.

First, I need God’s help. The Bible is full of wisdom and instruction about what we should say and what we shouldn’t. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God. . .” Ephesians 4:29-30a. Learning these verses is easy, living them is hard. But God is willing to help as often as we ask. So I keep asking. Lord, please help me. I want my words to reflect Your Spirit, not grieve it. Please silence me when what I’m saying is hurtful or unnecessary. Let words of love and encouragement flow freely from my lips.

I also need my family’s help. I’ve shared my desire to have a home that builds up not tears down. A home that loves not lectures. One that encourages not nitpicks. One that reflects His Spirit, not grieves It. They want that too.

One way we help each other is by saying, “Please stop” while putting our hand out like a crossing guard when someone says something they shouldn’t. It raises our awareness to the words we say without thinking about the impact they have on others.

I’m so thankful my son was persistent in telling me to please stop talking. With God’s guidance and my family’s encouragement, I’m excited to embark on this journey of better words. Choice by choice. Word by word. Will you join me?