Monthly Archives: November 2012

I love you.

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Greet one another with a kiss of love. 1 Peter 5:14

“Good morning. I love you.” No agenda. No questions. No demands. An unfailing, beautiful expression of love. This is how I want to greet each member of my family first thing in the morning every day.

Why? Because I love them and want them to hear it from me often.

This wasn’t my idea. I got it from my youngest son, Joshua. As soon as he was old enough to run, the first thing he would do every day was run to me, climb into my lap and say, “Good morning, Mommy, I love you.” This makes me feel so loved and valued and appreciated.

One day, I was heading downstairs and noticed my middle son just waking up. Instead of hollering, “Good morning” as I continued down the stairs, I greeted Daniel the same way Joshua greets me. I intentionally went back upstairs and blessed him with a hug and heartfelt, “I love you, Daniel.”

Daniel smiled. I noticed he was more cheerful as he completed his morning routine that day. And for the first time ever, Daniel searched for me before he left for school to say good-bye with a hug and “I love you” rather than a “See you mom” hollered from a distance as he headed out the door.

I don’t know about you but my mornings are busy. Really busy.

Rather than running to my loved ones to say “I love you” I was often running away from them as I barked commands like “Come and eat” or “Brush, floss and rinse” or “You need to get out of bed now or you’re going to be late”.

And those were the nice mornings. Other times they woke up to “You left your shoes out please put them away before I trip over them.” or “I’m doing laundry and you should be grateful I picked up the dirty clothes in your room. I shouldn’t have to do that.”

When I started paying attention to the words I spoke as I greeted and woke up the people I love, I knew I wanted to change.

I don’t want to wake them up from a distance with a holler or a reprimand or a command. I have the privilege of waking them up one-by-one with a beautiful expression of love.

It never dawned on me one of the most important things I do every morning has nothing to do with packing lunches, cooking breakfast, or washing clothes. It is greeting them individually and intentionally and with a hug, kiss and “I love you.”

This is how I want to greet them when they come home from school or work, too. I stop what I’m doing to go to them, even if it’s just for a minute, to say “Welcome Home, I love you.”  I don’t know what has happened while they’ve been away, but they can count on a loving welcome when they return home.

And at bedtime. I choose to tuck my boys into bed with a prayer and a simple, “I love you. I’m so glad God made you.” No reprimands. No critiques. No demands.

Every Morning. Every Afternoon. Every Night. That is the goal. A simple yet heartfelt, “I love you.”

I recently had a family discussion. I shared my intention of always waking them up, welcoming them home and tucking them into bed with a heartfelt “I love you.” Guess what they said? They don’t just like it, they love it. They never get tired of hearing those words.

What about you? How do you say “I love you” with words so others feel loved, valued, appreciated? Glad to be on this journey with you – thanks for reading and sharing.

Obnoxious soccer dad motivates me to ask crucial question: Are the words I speak helpful?

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“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11

Open your eyes ref!

Come on, he was going for the ball!

You’ve got to be kidding me!

From the first tap of my son’s soccer game, all ears were subjected to the ranting of one obnoxious dad on the sidelines.

Everyone heard him. Many glared. Some shook their heads. Others chuckled.

He put on quite a show.

I wasn’t there to watch him. But it was becoming increasingly more difficult to focus on my son’s game as this man spewed insult after insult.

Do you need glasses ref? Because I have a pair in my car and I would be happy to go get them!

I hollered back. I could have said, Please do and while you’re at it get a muzzle for yourself! But I showed a little restrain. Really? This is the way you’re going to behave at a youth soccer game?

A mom from their team immediately turned around to look at ME!

So I continued. Yeah, and you wonder why some kids are so rude.

My words did nothing to silence that dad. After 5 more minutes, the referee had heard enough. With the clock running, he stopped play until that dad went to his car.

Sadly, this isn’t an isolated incident. Outbursts at youth sporting events have become common. In the heat of the moment, people feel entitled to holler whatever they want.

And that day I became one of them. I didn’t want my silence to condone his behavior. But my words could have sparked an ugly battle.

The next morning, I asked God about it. Lord, I know I can’t have a redo, but if I could, what would You have had me say?

Within a few minutes, this idea came to mind. Sir, would you be willing to ask your son, your son’s coaches, and other parents one question?  Are you okay with the way I talk at your soccer games?  

God immediately spoke to my heart. That’s a good question for you to ask too.

So I asked my boys. Are okay with the way I talk at your soccer games and basketball games and football games?

If truth be told, I was a little nervous to hear their responses. I haven’t always been as encouraging, and positive as I would like to be. So I have worked at it. Hard.

Their answers didn’t surprise me. Some made me smile.

Yeah Mom it’s okay what you say – you encourage us but just don’t coach.

Yeah, you tell me to go to the ball and that’s not what I’m supposed to do.

And make sure you don’t holler “Go blue!” when it’s completely silent and we’re doing the tap off.

Later I asked them one-on-one. Are you really okay with the way I talk at your games? When are the times you wish I would shut up and not speak?

As they talked and I listened, I was sad and grateful. I say a lot of things that aren’t helpful or kind or encouraging. My boys have enough coaches and critics. I get to be their number one cheerleader. And I want to do it well. Much better than I have been.

So when should I talk?

One of my son’s basketball coaches provides excellent parameters. Before the season begins, he has a meeting with all the parents. I am the coach. I don’t want you coaching your kids from the stands. I don’t want you criticizing the kids or the referees. If you do, you won’t be welcome in the gym at future games. And if you show up, your kids won’t play. Please do clap and encourage them. Any questions?

So I speak up to clap and encourage. I compliment the kids on great passes and shots and team play. And I compliment the referee on calls when the other team criticizes them. And if one of our parents criticizes the referee on a call against our kids, as a team we hold them accountable. Whoever is close by will ask them to walk away if they can’t be silent.

I also keep asking my boys. How did I do today? What did I say that was good? When should I have been silent? I choose to learn from my mistakes and not repeat them.

And I ask God to help me. How did I do today? What did I say that was good? When should I have been silent? Please silence me when I’m shouldn’t talk and give me the courage to speak up when I should.

How about you? What are your favorite ways to encourage your kids at their sporting events? How do you effectively handle inappropriate talk? How would your kids respond if you asked them – Are you okay with the way I talk at your sporting events? Please leave your comments and thanks for reading.